Category Archives: China

Contemplation

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January 2, 2011: It’s the second day of the new year. For many people that means the opportunity to start over again, to succeed where there has been failure, to bring life where there has been death; but because somewhere along the way I became a cynic, to me a new year just means I have to remember to write 2011 instead of 2010. Why does the turning of a calendar page give me the right to anticipate great and wonderful circumstances? I face 2011 with trepidation. Dare I hope that deliverance will come and finally I’ll be set free to live out my dreams?

2010 was actually a pretty amazing year for me, one of the best in a very long time. I traveled to China and Haiti, became a published author, and completed my first half marathon. That’s a lot for one girl to do in twelve short months. But, it’s not enough. I’m that spoiled child in the toy store who wants one of everything! At this juncture, there are no plans on the horizon. The only thing I know for certain is tomorrow morning I have to get up and go to work, something I really don’t want to do. Accounting is NOT my passion.

What is my passion? Adoption and orphan care. My experiences in China and Haiti opened my heart and eyes to the world of abandoned children. This summer I followed closely the journey of our friends and pastors as they traveled to Ukraine to adopt two sisters. I wept at their heartache and rejoiced at their victories. Those two little girls are precious to me in a way that I can neither understand nor explain. The team leaders from our Haiti trip recently returned to that country to spend time with the little boy they have chosen to be their son. They posted a “family picture” from Haiti that caused me to weep for joy when I saw it. You see, I’ve met their son, I’ve hugged him and played with him. I understand what being adopted into a loving family means for these beautiful children.

My desire for 2011 is that will God open doors of ministry, only for me to travel to more foreign lands and love on babies, but opportunities to share my experiences and thereby ignite a similar passion in others. It takes no special degree or skill to love a child, it only takes a willingness to serve, and a desire to reach out beyond our own self inflicted borders.

When Worlds Collide

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When I was a little girl my Daddy built my sister and me the coolest toy box ever. Made of wood, painted blue with a puppy decal and hinged white top, it held almost all of our toys. It was so big that sometimes I would get inside and close the lid. I liked hiding in there, as long as I knew I could get out whenever I wanted. Once, trying to tease me, Daddy sat on the lid, trapping me inside. I tried to remain calm but fear captured all rational thought and I panicked. Screaming, crying and beating on the box I demanded to be let out. Of course Daddy rescued me immediately, but my toy box hiding days were over for good.

There are seasons of my life when I still feel like I’m trapped in that toy box, demanding to be let out, like now. After spending four years in full time ministry, through circumstances not of our choosing, my husband and I found ourselves reemployed in secular jobs. At the time, those jobs were a blessing, God’s provision when we needed it. But today, I am less than satisfied with my circumstances. Most people decide what to do with their lives in their early twenties. Me, I am a late bloomer; it has taken me forty two years to arrive at this pinnacle. My heart’s desire is to live out the gospel in a tangible way, travelling the globe, offering Christ’s love to orphans and widows, and serving in whatever capacity Father directs. To say that I sense impending doom would be melodramatic, but I am certain change is on the horizon. Right now my two worlds work in cooperation, but collision is imminent. How do I navigate this transition? There is no chartered course.

Before travelling to China, my discontentment was easily held at bay. Post China, it is magnified. Travelling to Haiti this week will compound the issue. These trips do not spell the end of my global ministry. The nations of Africa call to me. Do I deny the cries because my vacation days are consumed? Questions abound while answers are elusive. For now, I wait patiently in the toy box, trusting that when the time is right, Father will open the lid and grant my freedom!!!

Reflections

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Too much time has elapsed since my last blog post. My intention is to write once a week, but the best of intentions are pointless without practical application. As it often does, my life currently feels completely out of my control. My husband and I are in a place of transition. Transition to where? We are not quite sure, but we definitely feel the pain of birth. God is birthing something new, but we have yet to fully enter into the new phase. So, we continue to feel the clutch of the old while yearning to reach out and embrace the new.

Odd as it may sound, much of the inspiration for my writing comes from pain; mine or someone else’s. Some would find my expressions dark and sorrowful. I prefer to think of myself in good company. Ever read any of King David’s writings, or how about King Solomon’s? Ecclesiastes 3:4 says; there is “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” This morning as I was reading, praying and reflecting I realized that despite the discomfort I am experiencing in this transitional phase, the Lord has been moving phenomenally in my life the past few months. So, this post is birthed from a place of joy rather than pain.

Who doesn’t have dreams, hopes, aspirations, and a bucket list of sorts? I certainly do. Until recently though, it seemed as if I were destined to live my life with unfulfilled dreams. I cannot put my finger on the exact day circumstances began to change, but I can point to the exact day tangible change surfaced. Maybe it seems silly, but running 5K’s is something I have always wanted to do, but have just never done. After a good friend completed her first 5K, I decided there was no reason I couldn’t do the same, so I registered for my first race, and coerced my friend into participating with me. To my incredible surprise, I not only completed the race, no stopping or walking, but finished first in my age division. That race was in April 2010. In three short months I have completed three 5K races, twice placing first in my age division. Sounds to me like Divine Acceleration.

God also has his foot on the gas pedal in the mission outreach arena of my life. My husband has always been the preacher, done the world travelling. Part of me secretly desired to live out the gospel that way, but never really expected that I would be granted an opportunity. Boy was I wrong! May 2010 marked my first mission trip; two weeks serving in a Chinese orphanage. Just six weeks after my return from China I depart for my second mission trip, this time to a Haitian orphanage. I am completely humbled and amazed that God has chosen me for this work, provided the finances for the trips and granted me the desires of my heart in such an accelerated manner. Had someone told me a year ago that I would travel to two foreign countries to work in orphanages, with the trips spaced only six weeks apart, I would have shaken my head in disbelief. It is probably a good thing that God didn’t fill me in on his plans ahead of time.

In August 2007, hoping to complete my education, I returned to college full time. That semester, in English I at Texas State University, through an amazing professor, God reignited my passion for writing. During that class my self confidence was given an incredible boost. Searching for a creative outlet, a year ago my blog was birthed. The blog has proven a therapeutic, tool sharpening, launching pad for me. On a hurried whim, I submitted several pieces of my work to Write for Charity. Deep inside I hoped my work would be selected for publication and yet I doubted that such an amazing thing would happen to me. Imagine my shock when I received an email informing me that not just one, but two of my poems had been selected for publication. Descending the stairs to inform my husband, I could only cry and point. The first run of the book has been approved for printing and is in process. My copies should arrive on my doorstep at the end of July 2010.

Honestly, I have done absolutely nothing to deserve the favor of God on my life during this incredible season. He has chosen to show his love for me in such a staggering way. I cannot begin to fathom or explain why. I only know that my heart overflows with gratitude that my Father loves me so magnanimously. My sole desire is to live out my life for His glory and to be a beacon of light shining in the dark places.

Daughter of China

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Born disabled in a foreign land
Abandoned by parents who could not understand
Having no idea as I passed through the door
How much I would love you, what God had in store

Hundreds of orphans housed in one place
My mother’s heart melted as I gazed at your face
Swaddled in blankets despite the heat
You smiled with delight as I touched your soft cheek

How could I love you as my own?
Such bonding emotion I’ve never known
Seven short days, all too few
I cherish each moment spent with you

Baby Dao Dao, daughter of my heart
Arms ache to hold you since we’re apart
I see your smile, hear your cry
Visions of you dance in my mind

Love of Jesus I whispered in your ear
Remember, His love conquers all fear
Praying someday a family you’ll find
But know in my heart, you’ll forever be mine

Here is an audio version of this poem.

Chinese Hair Salon

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Hair salons in China are open late, so after dinner on our last night, several of the team members decided to experience a Chinese hair washing. For approximately $4 clients are treated to a relaxing hair wash, uncomfortable ear washing, face, neck, shoulder/arm massage and then a blow dry and style.

Like most businesses in Hengyang, the salon was small, run down and crowded. We were lead to a dark, dank, sour smelling room and told to lie down on a table with a sink attached to the end. The hair washing ritual lasts about an hour and starts with a eucalyptus/lemon scented substance that is used to massage the forehead/temple area. Next comes the hair scrubbing. Never has my hair been washed so thoroughly. The texture of American hair is very different than Chinese so Lacey’s hair, which is just above waist length long, got pretty tangled up in the process. It took a second stylist an additional 20 minutes to untangle her locks. Following the hair wash was an ear wash which most of us found rather uncomfortable; fingers of strange little Chinese men don’t belong in my ears. Even worse was the cotton swab drying process, it took every ounce of self control to not slap away the hand that was drying my ear. I prayed that the torture process would end quickly. Relief followed in the form of a neck/shoulder and back massage.

The fun really began after all of the hair washing/massage was complete. I set off on this adventure for the sole purpose of having my hair blow dried straight. The little Chinese man in charge of my hair had other ideas. Curly hair is non existent in Asian culture so I guess they’ve no idea how to manage it. The gentleman brought out a bottle of conditioner that I assumed was a detangler or something. It didn’t take me long to realize he had no intention of drying my hair. I gestured to the dryer so he grabbed one but attached a diffuser. Wrong again! I gestured that I wanted my hair straight. He mimicked my gesture and once he realized what I wanted erupted into Chinese shouting that had all the employees speaking/laughing loudly. Apparently straightening curly hair provides shocking entertainment.

No kidding, it took six Chinese stylists to straighten my hair. First I was led back to the scary room to have the conditioner rinsed out of my hair. Then a new stylist began drying my hair. When he grew weary another took over. They pulled the flat irons out of storage (none of the other team members were treated to flat irons) and used not one, but two irons, operated by two different stylists, to fix my hair. I was very pleased with the end results and they were very glad to be rid of my curly hair and demanding request.

Reverse Culture Shock

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Home from China for less than 24 hours and reacclimation is already hitting me full force. The trip was emotionally, spiritually and physically draining. I’d anticipated being able to spend some time recuperating before I had to jump back into my life full throttle, but unfortunately life does not stand still. My family did a great job while I was gone and I returned to vacuumed carpets, clean bathrooms, freshly laundered sheets and empty dirty clothes hampers, but still there is much to do. My suitcase is only partially unpacked and I have no energy to finish. There are bills to sort out, summer camps to register for, a graduation party to attend, a job to return to, groceries to purchase and mail to sort through. How do I just jump back in after China? How do I process through all I experienced while trying to return to my normal American life?

In my Farewell from China post I shared about the little boy who was so sick and not likely to make it. Several of the I.C.C. staff and River Stone team members spent Thursday afternoon holding him. None of us wanted him to die alone in a crib. At 4:45 p.m., he passed away in my arms. I’m glad I was there to love him. Yet, it is so difficult to fathom the awesomeness of God’s plan. God knew exactly the moment Him Him would die and supernaturally arranged for me to travel across the world to be there for that little boy. Why me? I’m no one special. I have no money, no education, and no family pedigree. I am just an ordinary woman with an ordinary life. Who will love the other babies left to die? Their faces haunt me. My arms ache to hold them.

On the trip home I saw healthy Asian babies everywhere. After two weeks surrounded by children, I wanted to hold all the little ones I saw, stroke their little cheeks, kiss their faces. Reading a magazine during the flight I opened to a page with a crying Rwandan child. My heart, already overflowing with emotion, broke over this child too. I reached out to touch the picture and began to weep. What does all of this mean for my future? I suppose it means China was my first mission trip of many. My second trip is already looming on the horizon. I travel to Haiti July 15-19 to work in another orphanage. How do I balance my “real” life with what God is calling me to do? How do I finance it? While I realize the financial aspect is really God’s problem, I do still have to muster the faith to walk through this.

No doubt, I am not the only team member suffering from reverse culture shock. Please continue to keep all of us in your prayers as we attempt to create a post-China, new normal.

Homeward Bound

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At this posting the River Stone team is headed home. We awoke to rain, so glad it was clear on Thursday. We had our last breakfast in China this morning at 8 a.m., checked out and boarded our bus at 845. The trip to the train station was short. It was still raining when we arrived there, so our suitcases got pretty wet. After about 2 hours on the train we disembarked and are currently on a bus bound for the Hong Kong border. See you on the other side.

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