Becky J Miller

Archive for the ‘Random Musings’ Category

Several years ago, an event orchestrated by people professing to love, left me deeply wounded. Though I was not the intended target, the fall out from collateral damage marred my spirit and soul. The anguish suffered was so profound, I wondered if healing would ever come. Slowly, Father chipped away at my barricaded heart, applying His gentle touch and a soothing salve. Today, I recognize the restoration of my former self, yet a question plaques me, “have I truly forgiven my betrayers?”

What does forgiveness look like? The story of the prodigal son comes to mind. A rebellious son squanders his inheritance and then returns home to a celebration. A joyous father accepts his humbled son without reservation. Does walking in forgiveness mean relating to the joyous father? There are no party plans on my agenda; my preference would be to never again cross paths with those who hurt me. In fact, I had the opportunity to attend a function where many individuals from my past would gather. Thoughts of being in their vicinity caused the emergence of fangs and claws. Rather than suffer lock jaw from clenching my teeth all evening, I stayed home. Perhaps forgiveness is still under construction?

Herein lies the dilemma; seeds of bitterness in my heart will affect my relationship with Father. Pondering the situation, pictures of Christ on the cross emerge. He was falsely accused, betrayed, beaten and yet cried out, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” What Christ endured is far worse than any perceived wrongs suffered by me. Still, I struggle; does complete forgiveness mean I am able to stumble upon someone who hurt me without reliving the past?

Right now there are more questions than answers, but of one thing I am certain; I have doubts regarding the state of my forgiveness. Excuse me please while Father gently applies more salve.

  Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2010 Rebecca [Becky] J Miller

An interesting thing happened on my last night in Haiti ; I came face to face with evil. Most of our evening meals were eaten at the hotel restaurant. The food was rather expensive though, so the team requested dinner at a local café’. A boisterous Haitian celebration that weekend left our security guards reluctant to allow us outside of the walled hotel grounds after dark. By Sunday evening, much of the fanfare had settled and we were granted furlough.

Walking into the restaurant that evening was overwhelming; noise and chaos saturated my senses. Barely ten feet inside the door, a Haitian man with vacant eyes reached out, touched my shoulder and asked, “Why are you here?” There was no time to respond as he continued his journey out the door. In that moment I felt no fear, my only thought was, “Who do I know in Haiti?” Exchanging glances with my roommate, standing inches away from me, we shrugged our shoulders and proceeded to order dinner. It was such a strange, random occurrence, but too many other circumstances begged my attention that I took no time to ponder what had happened.

Sharing the event with my husband was eye opening. He knew exactly what had happened. In Matthew 8:28-29 Jesus encounters a demon possessed man. The demons cry out saying, “What have you to do with us, O Son of God?” Just like in scripture, a demon recognized the Christ within me and wanted to know my purpose in the region. Wow. How many times have we heard pastors instruct, live your life so that when you set your feet on the ground each morning demons tremble and say, “Oh no, she’s awake.” Being recognized because of God’s spirit excited me, it brought confirmation that God indeed sent me to Haiti. My presence in that country had purpose.

Why was I in Haiti? I was in Haiti to see the people of that nation through God’s eyes, to feel his love for them. I was in Haiti to hear the vision of Pierre Alexis, Director of Maison des Enfants de Dieu , to stand beside that man both prayerfully and physically in the years it will take to accomplish the vision. I was in Haiti to speak words of hope/encouragement/truth over a beautiful eight week old baby boy named Samson. I was in Haiti to bring laughter and kisses to sad little Beatrice. I was in Haiti because I said, “Here am I Lord, send me.”

  Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2010 Rebecca [Becky] J Miller