Category Archives: Recovery

Where Do I Go From Here?

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It’s been five months since the accident and most days I feel like myself again.  I still have limitations with neck mobility and sometimes I get scared when I find myself in situations that cause me to feel fragile and breakable, but what plagues me most these days is the question, “Why was my life spared”?  Don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly grateful that it was, but it leaves me with a huge responsibility.  God still has work for me to do, but I’m really not sure what that entails.  Life seems to be returning to normal, and to an extent, that scares me.  Do I just return to my daily life, looking for opportunities in my day to day existence, or is there something more God has for me to accomplish?  Are the desires of my heart placed by God, or Becky?

My heart yearns to travel to foreign lands and love on orphans.  If I could, I would be in a different country every three months.  There are certain countries that call out to me, specifically Haiti and Africa, but I am willing to travel wherever God opens doors.  One of the biggest heartbreaks the accident caused me was missing a mission trip to Haiti in December 2011.  It would have been my second trip to Haiti and I was excited to return.  I miss baby Samson, who is walking now, and sad Beatrice, who smiles now, but that opportunity was ripped from me.   For reasons I don’t really understand, my presence in Haiti is a threat (click to read Why are you here?). Today our pastor announced that a River Stone team will return to Haiti in July, I would like to be a part of that team.  Something I struggle with though is the fact that God could have prevented the injuries that kept me out of Haiti, but He didn’t.  He had a bigger purpose, one I am not privy to, so I am left with a dilemma: do I move forward with the intent of returning to Haiti, or do I assume that God does not want me there?

Writing is another passion of mine, something I would love to do on a large scale and even get paid to do.  Two of my poems, Precious Daughter and My Son, were published in a book From the Heart in 2010.  All proceeds went towards pediatric medical research and to help families with terminally ill children.   That was exciting!! I am also grateful for modern technology that allows me to blog, and even better, I love receiving blog feedback.  My heart smiles when someone tells me that my writing inspires them.  I have prayed that God would allow me to do something more with writing, but thus far, He has not answered.  Do I wait in the hopes that doors will open, or do I accept that perhaps God’s will for my life does not include writing professionally?

Truthfully, I am not content with my life.  I feel like a season is ending and I am ready for new growth.  Where will my path lead?  The final destination really is not my concern, it is all about the journey.  I only have one life in which to accomplish what God created me for.  I was granted a stay of execution and I do not want to disappoint my heavenly Father.

Wonderfully Made

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Competitive running is somewhat of an addiction for me. I subscribe to three different running magazines and at least half a dozen running websites. I’m always looking for new races with interesting and unique venues. In addition to being a competitive runner, I’m also a bit obsessive compulsive, but in my world, these two qualities blend together wonderfully. My obsessive compulsive persona keeps a running notebook full, in chronological order, of perspective races, some up to a year away. Before my accident on November 19, 2011 there were at least a dozen races in my purview. Three months in a halo caused me to miss most of those events, though I did still manage the New Year’s Double and the Lockhart Books to Africa 5K. No matter my circumstances, I was absolutely determined not to miss the Baylor Bear Half Marathon, touted as the toughest half in Texas!  This race holds special meaning for me as my daughter will attend Baylor in the fall.

My running coach (AKA my husband) grew weary hearing my incessant chatter regarding the BearAThon. With a March 24, 2012 race date, I knew I’d be halo free, but the question remained, would my still recovering body be ready for the grueling 13.1 miles? After I enlisted a great friend (thanks Danielle) to walk with me, my running coach finally acquiesced. So, while still in a neck brace, and without my neurologist’s permission to run yet, I registered. Even in a halo, I walked three miles three times a week, but that is hardly half marathon preparation. Three weeks before the race my neurologist finally released me to run ONE mile a week! One mile a week? Seriously? My pre-accident training base average was 40+ miles a week and she wanted me to run ONE??

With only three weeks of interval training under my belt, I walked the Baylor Half in about 3 hours, 15 minutes, an hour and 7 minutes over my best half marathon running time. We pushed hard the entire 13.1 miles, never relaxing, even on the steep uphill grades. I was determined to run across the finish line. I thought I’d be able to run the entire last mile, but my body had other ideas. When the finish line came into sight, I took off. Running that last quarter mile was amazing. I felt so strong, even kicked in my famous finish line sprint. Hearing the crowds clapping and cheering for me brought a huge smile to my face. The announcer even gave me a nod by calling out my, “Texas flag running shorts”. With a finisher’s medal hanging from my neck and tears stinging my eyes, I’d done it! Completed a half marathon just four short months post-surgery and one month post halo. God says I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I believe it!