Emotionally Wrecked

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom’s cause

Hillsong United

Eight days. Only eight days until I depart for Hengyang, China. The last seven months have been a whirlwind of preparations; procuring horrible passport photos, submitting a passport application, securing my travel visa, fund raising and spending ridiculous amounts of money on torturous needle pricks. The culmination of all that planning is finally upon me and I’m scared. Entering a communist country, being detained by Chinese authorities, dying in a plane crash; none of those things frighten me. What I will face emotionally and spiritually while in country; THAT frightens me.

Assisting the staff at Hengyang Welfare Centre Number 2 serves as the trips purpose. The Centre houses approximately 100 disabled children, children abandoned by their parents because of their disabilities. These children contend with serious health issues; Cerebral palsy, Down’s syndrome, Spina Bifida, Autism, Aspergers, Heart disease, Epilepsy and Cleft palate, just to name a few. Their heartbreaking reality is difficult for me to fathom. Will I be able to look into the eyes of these precious children and hold myself together? No, probably not, I better check to be sure my mascara is waterproof.

The mission for China is multipronged; provide love to the children, support the centre staff and stand beside fellow teammates. I face the task set before me with slight trepidation. Can I put aside my selfish desires and devote myself solely to others? Can I step up and take a leadership role if circumstances dictate? Will I fulfill the purpose Christ has for me during this trip? I believe so. “It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.” 2 Samuel 22:23

As an emissary of Christ in a country where many do not know Him, and those who do must secret themselves, the commission is epic, but my “God is Bigger than the Boogie Man“, just ask Larry and Bob.

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