What She Sees

By definition, a mirror is something that gives a minutely faithful representation, image or idea of something else. Based on that definition, one might conclude that what we see does not always represent truth. Glancing in a mirror, I see an average face with green eyes, a freckled nose, small mouth and curly hair, but that is not really me, it’s merely a surface reflection. Upon closer inspection I discover wounds in various stages of healing. Some have faded pink scar tissue, some have scabs and some still ooze fresh blood.

Were you to spot me on the street, I might appear to be someone who is confident and resilient, but if you were to dig deeper, past the exterior, you would find someone that is flawed and full of shortcomings. You would someone who has difficulty moving past a hurt or perceived wrong. You would find someone who can be judgmental. You would find someone who has little tolerance for people, and who has difficulty in social settings. You would find someone who never feels like she quite fits.

Were you to spend any time wandering around in my head, you would hear the constant ringing of what I am not, what I cannot do, where I do not measure up. You would see me compare myself to others and all the wonderful talents and skills they have that I do not. You would hear my husband tell me, “God designed you, molded you and empowered you to be the woman He has called you to be… you are beautifully and wonderfully created and all that is within you is of Him… don’t be surprised when it overflows effortless out of you… Christ in you, your hope of glory… be at peace…” and you would see me struggle to believe those words.

The mirror cannot show the turmoil and doubt that are my companions as I prepare to write the next chapter of my life. My children are grown now and my college education is just about complete…so who am I to become next? What path do I take? Where do I focus my energy? I have no answers. None. If only my mirror told me more than, “those shoes do not match that dress.”

If you know me, you know that I prefer to write poetry and hide my vulnerability behind carefully chosen prose, but today, well, those pretty words eluded me. I think perhaps Someone is whispering gently that is time to come out of hiding and into a greater calling. Looking closely in the mirror, I see excitement and terror all hiding behind those green eyes.


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