When I was a little girl my Daddy built my sister and me the coolest toy box ever. Made of wood, painted blue with a puppy decal and hinged white top, it held almost all of our toys. It was so big that sometimes I would get inside and close the lid. I liked hiding in there, as long as I knew I could get out whenever I wanted. Once, trying to tease me, Daddy sat on the lid, trapping me inside. I tried to remain calm but fear captured all rational thought and I panicked. Screaming, crying and beating on the box I demanded to be let out. Of course Daddy rescued me immediately, but my toy box hiding days were over for good.
There are seasons of my life when I still feel like I’m trapped in that toy box, demanding to be let out, like now. After spending four years in full time ministry, through circumstances not of our choosing, my husband and I found ourselves reemployed in secular jobs. At the time, those jobs were a blessing, God’s provision when we needed it. But today, I am less than satisfied with my circumstances. Most people decide what to do with their lives in their early twenties. Me, I am a late bloomer; it has taken me forty two years to arrive at this pinnacle. My heart’s desire is to live out the gospel in a tangible way, travelling the globe, offering Christ’s love to orphans and widows, and serving in whatever capacity Father directs. To say that I sense impending doom would be melodramatic, but I am certain change is on the horizon. Right now my two worlds work in cooperation, but collision is imminent. How do I navigate this transition? There is no chartered course.
Before travelling to China, my discontentment was easily held at bay. Post China, it is magnified. Travelling to Haiti this week will compound the issue. These trips do not spell the end of my global ministry. The nations of Africa call to me. Do I deny the cries because my vacation days are consumed? Questions abound while answers are elusive. For now, I wait patiently in the toy box, trusting that when the time is right, Father will open the lid and grant my freedom!!!