Where Do I Go From Here?

It’s been five months since the accident and most days I feel like myself again.  I still have limitations with neck mobility and sometimes I get scared when I find myself in situations that cause me to feel fragile and breakable, but what plagues me most these days is the question, “Why was my life spared”?  Don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly grateful that it was, but it leaves me with a huge responsibility.  God still has work for me to do, but I’m really not sure what that entails.  Life seems to be returning to normal, and to an extent, that scares me.  Do I just return to my daily life, looking for opportunities in my day to day existence, or is there something more God has for me to accomplish?  Are the desires of my heart placed by God, or Becky?

My heart yearns to travel to foreign lands and love on orphans.  If I could, I would be in a different country every three months.  There are certain countries that call out to me, specifically Haiti and Africa, but I am willing to travel wherever God opens doors.  One of the biggest heartbreaks the accident caused me was missing a mission trip to Haiti in December 2011.  It would have been my second trip to Haiti and I was excited to return.  I miss baby Samson, who is walking now, and sad Beatrice, who smiles now, but that opportunity was ripped from me.   For reasons I don’t really understand, my presence in Haiti is a threat (click to read Why are you here?). Today our pastor announced that a River Stone team will return to Haiti in July, I would like to be a part of that team.  Something I struggle with though is the fact that God could have prevented the injuries that kept me out of Haiti, but He didn’t.  He had a bigger purpose, one I am not privy to, so I am left with a dilemma: do I move forward with the intent of returning to Haiti, or do I assume that God does not want me there?

Writing is another passion of mine, something I would love to do on a large scale and even get paid to do.  Two of my poems, Precious Daughter and My Son, were published in a book From the Heart in 2010.  All proceeds went towards pediatric medical research and to help families with terminally ill children.   That was exciting!! I am also grateful for modern technology that allows me to blog, and even better, I love receiving blog feedback.  My heart smiles when someone tells me that my writing inspires them.  I have prayed that God would allow me to do something more with writing, but thus far, He has not answered.  Do I wait in the hopes that doors will open, or do I accept that perhaps God’s will for my life does not include writing professionally?

Truthfully, I am not content with my life.  I feel like a season is ending and I am ready for new growth.  Where will my path lead?  The final destination really is not my concern, it is all about the journey.  I only have one life in which to accomplish what God created me for.  I was granted a stay of execution and I do not want to disappoint my heavenly Father.

One thought on “Where Do I Go From Here?

  1. Leslie Garone says:

    Becky, You are an amazing person and I have TOTAL faith that whatever God has in plan for you will unfold as it is supposed to. I do believe that you and your family were spared for a reason and that obviously you do have more to do on this earth, but try not to analyze it too much….you and I both know that only God holds the key to the future and when he is ready for you to see it, you will! So relax, enjoy each day, keep writing, keep going on trips, keep loving and being loved by your family and know that you inspire me daily! I love you cuz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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