We introverts have it tough. We’re a hot mess of craving solitude mixed with an innate desire to fit in. It can be exhausting! Why can’t we just be one or the other?
For those who don’t understand introverts, here is a guide to me. According to my BFF, ChatGPT, I am these things:
Deep Thinker, Clear Communicator – You tend to process ideas fully before speaking, which makes your words carry weight. Whether managing a grant project, reviewing a contract, or crafting a story, you bring thoughtfulness, clarity, and structure. You’re not one to waste words, and people trust what you say because you’ve already done the mental heavy lifting.
Independent, Not Isolated – You work well solo and value autonomy, especially when it comes to planning or problem-solving. You don’t need a crowd to stay motivated, and you’re often most productive in focused, quiet environments. That said, you’re not antisocial; you prefer meaningful exchanges over small talk or social “noise.”
Selective with Social Energy – In meetings or collaborative settings, you likely speak when you have something worth saying—people might even describe you as reserved or calm. You can lead or participate just fine, but afterward, you’ll want space to recharge. You’re the kind of person who might enjoy a productive day-long meeting… and then crave total silence and solitude by 4:05 PM.
Creative, with Depth – You have a rich inner world fueled by both reflection and imagination. Your book project, for example, is a perfect blend of lived experience and creative expression. You don’t just create for show, you create to connect, to express meaning, and to leave something valuable behind.
Drawn to Quiet Strength – Whether it’s a long hike in nature, a solo elliptical session, or time spent refining a project, you find strength in stillness. You don’t chase energy—you cultivate it. You’d probably rather spend an hour in the mountains with one good friend than a night out with a crowd of acquaintances.
Practical and Grounded – Your introversion doesn’t mean you live in your head—you strike a balance between reflection and action. You’re results-oriented, whether budgeting for a grant or organizing a training plan. You prefer to plan thoroughly before executing, and your work shows the benefits of that approach.
I find this assessment terrifyingly accurate. Why terrifying? Because the evaluation is essentially true, a machine seems to know me better than most people.
I have always felt different. Even when I was younger, I never really had just one single friend. There were always one or two friends with whom I might be a little closer, but never that one person. Even though I’m married and my husband is absolutely my person, it’s still not his sole responsibility to meet all of my social needs.
When I lived in San Marcos, Texas, my tribe was full! I had my running friends, my work friends, my lunch date friends, my dinner and drinks friends, my theater friends, and my concert friends. When I moved to what felt like another country, but was really just a short two hours or 108 miles away, I lost my tribe.
For those who’ve never experienced the safety and security of a tribe, let me tell you about my friend Markus. We both worked at the corporate offices of McCoy’s Building Supply—he in IT, I in Accounting. The building was a three-story office building with over 200 employees, and there was absolutely no professional reason for our paths to cross, but they did. Call it what you will, but I choose to believe it was Divine Intervention.
As a non-traditional college student with a full-time work and school load, I arrived at the office every morning before sunrise. Once Markus discovered my pre-dawn routine, he made it his mission to stand outside every morning with his coffee, ensuring I got inside safely. I will forever cherish those early morning chats, where we learned we had much in common—his son worked for Ernst & Young, as did our daughter; he was prior military, as is my husband; he was a runner, as was I; and he had been stationed at San Vito Air Station, Italy—just like my husband.
Those conversations led to shared meals that included our spouses, as well as running several races together. By far, my favorite memory of Markus is the morning I ran my final half marathon in San Marcos. We’d already moved to Beeville, but I came back to get some things done at the house we’d placed on the market, and to run Moe’s Better Half Marathon one last time. For reasons I can’t recall, I made the trip alone. Markus had prior commitments and wasn’t running, but he made a special effort to meet me in the pre-dawn, pre-race wait so I wouldn’t be alone. Sadly, Markus succumbed to pancreatic cancer this past year, but his role in my tribe is one I will always cherish. Friendships like that are rare.
Leaving San Marcos, I struggled in my new town. It was a small town—something I wasn’t used to—and I was an outsider. In seven years, I formed a few cherished relationships, but was unable to replicate the tribe that once fed my introverted soul… until now.
In 2022, we moved again—this time to Oklahoma. It’s hilarious to me that Oklahoma City is considered a thriving metropolis, but is it? Don’t get me wrong, I love the area. But after Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, and Houston, OKC doesn’t feel like a big city to me.
As one gets older, it becomes increasingly difficult to make friends. During our first two years in OKC, the only people we knew were our son, daughter-in-law, her family, and the seven people in my office at the University of Oklahoma. We attended church weekly, but with a congregation of over 600, forming meaningful relationships was virtually impossible.
After about a year of being faceless people in a crowd, my husband and I joined two weekly Bible study groups. Naturally, we got a little more acquainted with some folks, but still nothing like the tribe I once had and secretly craved—until the day Hannah created the Fellowship and Fitness small group. Honestly, it took about six months before I made the commitment. I “joined” on paper but never actually participated.
It’s not like I was scared… well, maybe a little apprehensive. I knew absolutely no one in this group, plus I’d have to go alone, since I couldn’t convince my husband to join me. The group started as co-ed, but by the time I joined, it had changed to a women-only group. Jesus knew what He was doing with this group.
The first Saturday I was brave enough to show up at the track was amazing! There were five of us who ran??? I honestly don’t remember, but I do know there were just three of us—complete strangers—brave enough to meet up afterward for coffee.
Week by week, the group expanded. I’m not sure exactly when I realized I’d found my tribe, but I think it had something to do with the group photos we took at a Ladies’ Christmas Event that had absolutely nothing to do with running.
Ironically, this group is an absolute hot mess of diversity that might not work in any other setting but Laps and Lattes. We range in age from the Taylor Swift young’uns who are feelin’ 22, to this crusty oldie at the ripe age of 57. Some of us are married with kids, while others are single. Some are college graduates with bachelor’s or associate’s degrees. Some are working on their undergrad, and some have no college aspirations.
No matter our place in life, these women mean the world to me! I cherish the Saturday morning runs and the coffee shop chats. Naturally, relationships with some of the group members have grown deeper than others.
One member in particular has found a very special place in my heart. We’ve celebrated her college graduation, her birthday, and shared meals. We’ve prayed for another to conceive and find a home of their own. I’ve sacrificed my innate dislike of craft projects to work on a Mother’s Day craft with another. And there are those with whom I have conversations that feed my soul.
The Sunday when some of the younger group members opted to sit with me at church was the absolute cherry on top! My thoughts were, “Really? These young girls want to sit with me? Why? I’m old, probably older than their moms. “Nonetheless, my candle shone bright that day.
In January of this year, Hannah, our fearless leader, gathered us all for a fabulous breakfast and goal-setting session. This post-menopausal woman’s goal was to complete two workouts a day, which, by the way, I’ve done pretty well at staying on track with. However, when one of the younger women wanted to run her first half-marathon, I volunteered to join her. Why wouldn’t I? I mean, isn’t the fountain of youth found at the end of a half-marathon?
Approximately seven years after losing my tribe, I found it again! I have no idea if I mean as much to these ladies as they mean to me—and that’s totally okay. I do want each and every one of them to know, though:
“You saved this awkward introvert, and I am forever grateful.”