Why does no one talk about menopause? Every woman who has ever borne children shares her pregnancy and birth stories, yet menopause is considered too indelicate a topic for open discussion? Why? It is a terribly uncomfortable transition that every living woman must endure, some earlier than others.
For a healthy woman in her early 50’s, coming to the end of my child-bearing years is nothing of great concern. I have three beautiful children who have all left the nest. I am perfectly content having my home and my spouse all to myself. There is also the added bonus of no more monthly menstrual cycle, yay. However, the downside to menopause; hot flashes, weight gain and loss of desire for sexual intimacy are extremely frustrating.
Menopause hit me rather suddenly, or so it seemed. One day I’m the person I’ve always been and the next, we are changing the bed sheets daily because of profuse night sweats, the scales have jumped to a number I’ve never seen displayed before, and sex, well ugh.
As if menopause were not difficult enough, throw in a global pandemic and my only daughter’s engagement. Now my fat @$$ has to shop for a mother of the bride dress, in the 100+ degree Texas heat, while wearing a mask, with limited shopping options and many closed dressing rooms. Fun! Mix in a small town located at least an hour from any stores that carry suitable dresses plus my desire to not look matronly, and you have a recipe guaranteed to produce frustration.
Looking online for mother of the bride dresses gave me false hope. When we actually showed up a bridal boutique, there were maybe four dresses in the entire store that I was even willing to consider. Imagine my dismay when the already larger than normal size I selected was still too small. Finally, after several stores we found one dress that fit, looked decent and was reasonably priced. My daughter liked it and encouraged me to buy it with the idea I could keep looking, but at least would have something to wear. It was definitely not the dress of my dreams.
Now I do realize my daughter’s wedding is not about me, however, I do still want to look pretty and feel confident. And I’ve never really gotten to choose the perfect formal dress. Both my prom and wedding dress were borrowed. Lest anyone feel sorry for me, I chose to wear my mother’s wedding dress and though I do not regret my decision, the fact remains, I’ve never had the opportunity to really shop for a formal dress. Apparently the trend remains.
My daughter, at my request, snapped a photo of me in the dress before I purchased it. I already consider myself rather unphotogenic and that picture only solidified my perspective. I looked like a linebacker; broad shoulders from years of gymnastics and swimming, plus my hair was gross from the July temperatures and having to wear an icky mask.
As fate would have it, there have been no other dress shopping opportunities. In the dark, secret places of my mind I’ve hoped that with wedding day make-up, a formal updo and carefully selected jewelry I might just be able to feel pretty versus frumpy in the undesired dress.
With the big day coming up this week I decided to try the dress on again, just to be sure it still fit. Afterall, the menopause scales remain both erratic and unkind. With no make-up, hair pulled into a messy bun, and wearing my sparkly silver heels I actually, for the first time since purchasing the offensive gown felt beautiful.
Menopause still sucks. I still have probably thirty unwanted pounds to lose, a closet full of ill-fitting clothes, but at least, for one day, I am confident I will feel beautiful. So, to all you ladies in the same boat, fear not for there is hope.
Until Next Time,
Becky J Miller
Warrior Princess
I’m going through this exact thing right now. My daughter’s wedding is in August, and the ceremony and the reception are both outside! I’m going to be a sopping mess. Thanks to cancer treatment I was thrust into menopause. I’m hoping I make it through without melting. You looked stunning, btw!