Although it is difficult to confirm the actual author, Dr. Seuss is given credit by most sources for the quote, “Why fit in when you were born to stand out?”
This famous quote is buried within the scenes of one of my favorite movies, “What a Girl Wants,” with Amanda Bynes. Currently available on Netflix, if you haven’t seen it, I recommend watching, just for some good laughs. Be forewarned, though, the beautiful Kelly Preston who is no longer with us plays Bynes’ mother, and watching the movie again after her passing is cause for a few tears.
Essentially Bynes plays Daphne Reynolds, a 17-year-old young woman who never knew her father. As it turns out, her father is Lord Dashwood of London, England. Undoubtedly you can imagine the chaos that ensues when this brash New York teenager quite literally falls into the lives of royals.
No self-respecting coming of age movie would be complete with some sort of love interest subplot, “What a Girl Wants”1 is no exception. In the clip below, young Daphne, realizing her American ways are unacceptable in the rather uptight British culture, turns to Ian, a local jack of all trades, for guidance. After a comical turn of events, Ian offers some rather sage advice to Daphne.
Thank you, young Ian, for this incredible nugget of wisdom. “Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?”2 And if you’ve seen the movie, you know that Daphne’s attempts at conformity go wrong, time and again.
So, we can ask ourselves the same question. Why do we so often desire to be one of the cool kids, fitting in with everyone else? Or on the other end of the spectrum, we duck our heads, keep quiet and try to go through life unnoticed, making no commotion, no difference.
Most people do not look at persecution as a cause for rejoicing, so if you rejoice in the face of adversity, I’d say that’s a bit different from the norm.
I have found myself so many times standing alone on ethical issues; it is not easy being the lone dissenter if you would, and when I feel the burden weighing down, I remind myself that this is who I am called to be, a light in the darkness. Sometimes that means enduring those who speak ill against me. It’s a hard road, but we are not promised it would be easy, only that our reward is great in heaven.
Letting your light shine doesn’t mean you have to walk around singing and skipping with chirping birds following you. It can mean different things for different people.
Recently at work, I discovered something I considered questionable. I documented it and shared it with my supervisor. The issue impacted several different departments, so I discussed it with a co-worker. He warned me that it was unlikely any action would be taken.
My response, “If I observe something and fail to speak up, I become complicit; however, if I observe something, speak up, and others fail to take action, that is not on me.” His reply? “You have a lot of integrity, more than most people.” In this situation, I would say, at least in the eyes of my co-worker, I stood out.
If we are going to be different, that means we have to walk in forgiveness. If we find ourselves carrying a grudge, we need to do some serious self-examination. Now, that doesn’t mean becoming BFFs with the person who hurt you, but it does mean you have to release the right to be angry. Most folks say,” I have a right to be angry.” The person desiring to stand out looks differently and says, “I have the opportunity to forgive.”
And sadly, sometimes choosing to forgive sets up us up for the opportunity for us to get hurt again, and that’s okay. God keeps loving and forgiving us even when we hurt him; being different from everyone else means we act like him, right?
Men, just in case you didn’t know, woman are not objects to be fantasized about. Keep your eyes front and center, and your thoughts on something else, like dinner. And women, just because a lot of discussion on sexual objectification appears to be directed towards the men, we are not off the hook.
It’s one thing to appreciate someone’s appearance as pleasing and a completely different thing to objectify them sexually. When your friends or co-workers are saying sexually inappropriate things, speak up, walk away. Be different.
Sometimes the conversations at work take a turn to a place where I am not comfortable, not necessarily about sex, but whenever that happens, I just quietly step away and go back to my office. I don’t have to participate. I don’t need to belong.
I know divorce is a touchy and emotional subject. I do not desire to place condemnation on anyone who has endured the trauma of divorce. But I will say this, divorce is messy, and no one evolves unscathed, not the partners and definitely not the children. I am 53 years old and still navigating through the fall out of my parent’s divorce, which happened after I was already married and grown.
When all hell has broken loose in marriage, divorce seems the easy way out, but is it truly? Divorce doesn’t heal the hurt; instead, it leaves a gaping wound that, if left unattended, oozes into the next relationship. Staying together, overcoming obstacles, rebuilding the relationship, now that is hard, but you want to stand out, be different, show the world what uncommon looks like. Stay together.
My husband and I are living proof. We came to the brink, stood there and stared at the deep chasm separating us, and decided to bridge it, to stay together. It was painful. There was definitely snarling and gnashing of teeth, but today, we have something incredible, the type of marriage I hope our children who watched us will also have someday, the kind of marriage I hope inspires others just starting.
Dealing with people who persecute you is difficult! When someone puts a sign in your yard telling you to go to hell simply because they don’t like your Christmas lights, loving them is hard. And honestly, I don’t think I’m there yet.
While I would never do anything spiteful, sometimes I wish the neighbor would die of old age and be out of our lives, or at the very least relocate. I know that’s harsh, and God forgive me for those thoughts, but it’s the truth. If she’s in the yard when I pull up after work, I purposefully avoid eye contact. When I walk to my trash can, which is right outside her window, I keep my eyes averted.
In this instance, I am not standing out; I’m not being different. I am hiding, avoiding confrontation because of my pain. I have to find a way to fight through the trauma and at least be cordial because no matter what I think she’s done, she’s a human being worthy of love.
Sometimes we unintentionally create love debts, i.e., when we are hateful, spiteful, indifferent, abusive, intolerant, the list goes on, we create emotional deficits with our fellow man. With monetary debt, we’re aware and know the steps to take for repayment, but many of us have a blind spot when it comes to love debt. We are not aware we’ve created it, which makes reparation difficult.
If we want to stand out, we must work not to create love debts, which means being slow to anger, slow to respond vs. react. I often say my face gives everything away, but my mouth rarely does. I am more likely to purse my lips together with eyes bugging out when I don’t like something versus yelling or screaming. I do growl and sigh a lot, but that usually happens when I’m alone, and the source of my frustration is nowhere close.
My grandmother always used to say, “Perfect love casts out fear.” I never really understood what she meant, but if we break it down, we know God is perfect, God is love, and therefore can conclude in Him there is no fear. So many people are afraid of, you name it, death, sickness, reptiles, losing their jobs. Why?
I can honestly say there is nothing I am truly afraid of; I don’t live in fear. There are things I don’t like, for example, snakes. I would never purposefully engage with a snake, but I don’t have to be afraid because God gave man dominion over animals, right?
When we first moved to San Marcos, there was a snake in the house, in our bedroom, to be exact. My husband noticed it before I did and prayed I wouldn’t see it, but I did. The house was two-story and the ceiling was basically two by fours fastened together. The snake was in between the boards above our bed.
We were standing in the room discussing something when I looked up and saw it. I turned to James and said, “Umm, is that a snake?” “Yes.” It was skinny, but nonetheless, unwelcome. My husband grabbed a broom, trying to coax the snake to curl itself around the handle so he could carry it outdoors.
Of course, there was no such cooperation from Mr. Snake. Instead, he slithered away to parts unknown, somewhere over our bed. Fun. We called pest control to no avail. Trapping indoor snakes is apparently costly and risky; it doesn’t usually work.
Well, what to do? My Bible tells me I have dominion over the animals, right? So, I stood there in my bedroom and loudly shared this information with Mr. Snake. I told him in no uncertain terms that he had no business in my home, that Jesus gave me authority over him, and he could just leave. We never saw that snake or any other again.
It sounds hysterically funny now, but a snake in the house is no laughing matter, and I needed a solution—bottom line. Being different, standing out means we can’t walk in fear as everyone else does.
I don’t want to lose my job because earning money means I get to shop, but I was looking for a job when I found this one, so why should I fear? Is God my source or the job? I cannot allow fear to prevent me from doing what is right. Behaving different than our flesh dictates, responding differently than others, and altogether standing out is a process, one we should consciously work towards.
Oh, patience, such a dirty, dirty word. We must be patient in order to be different when difficult circumstances arrive, but we must also be aware that it is those same difficult circumstances that produce patience.
Being situationally aware versus completely clueless means being different. We have to confront difficult things, not avoid them.
Lauren Alaina has a song I love, “Road Less Traveled,”3
Here are some of the words,
You won’t make yourself a name if you follow the rules, History gets made when you’re acting a fool, If you trust your rebel heart, ride it into battle, Don’t be afraid, take the road less traveled, Wear out your boots and kick up the gravel, don’t be afraid to take the road less traveled on.
I love this statement, “History gets made when you’re acting a fool.”
Standing out sometimes means we are viewed as foolish, but 1 Corinthians 4:10 says We are fools for Christ’s sake, but you are wise in Christ. We are weak, but you are strong. You are held in honor, but we in disrepute. In my foolishness, Christ is honored.
Standing out may mean standing alone, and I know that is an incredibly lonely place. It’s hard to work alone in the office while your co-workers all eat lunch together.
It’s hard to be excluded from discussions that should include you, and then having to respond rather than react when decisions impacting you are not the ones you would have chosen.
It’s hard not to be recognized for your contributions and constantly overlooked when you know the truth of your effort.
Do you know what’s not hard? Knowing you are walking in your calling. Knowing you are standing against all odds. Knowing that even when you cannot see it with physical eyes, you are making a difference.
One more song, “Be A Light”4
In a time full of war, be peace
In a time full of doubt, just believe
Yeah, there ain’t that much difference between you and me
In a time full of war, be peace
In a world full of hate, be a light
When you do somebody wrong, make it right
Don’t hide in the dark, you were born to shine
In a world full of hate, be a light
In a place that needs a change, make a difference
In a time full of noise, just listen
‘Cause life is but a breeze, better live it
In a place that needs a change, make a difference
In a world full of hate, be a light
When you do somebody wrong, make it right
Oh, don’t hide in the dark, you were born to shine
In a world full of hate, be a light
In a race that you can’t win, slow it down
Yeah, you only get one go around
‘Cause the finish line is six feet in the ground
In a race you can’t win, just slow it down
In a world full of hate, be a light
When you do somebody wrong, make it right
Don’t hide in the dark, you were born to shine
In a world full of hate, be a light
Yeah, it’s hard to live in color, when you just see black and white
In a world full of hate, be a light
Or, in the words of Dr. Seuss, “Why Fit In When You Were Born to Stand Out?”
Until Next Time,
Becky J Miller
“Warrior Princess”
*Blog post is a transcript of a live presentation by Becky J. Miller. (25 April, 2021). Born To Stand Out. Trinity Christian Center, Beeville, TX. https://vimeo.com/541270359
*Feature image derived from The Lorax. (2012). https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1482459/
1Movie Clips. (23 June, 2016). What a Girl Wants. TM & Warner Bros. (2003).
2Quote by Ian Wallace: “Why are you trying so hard to fit …. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/290943-why-are-you-trying-so-hard-to-fit-in-when
3LAUREN ALAINA – ROAD LESS TRAVELED LYRICS. http://www.songlyrics.com/lauren-alaina/road-less-traveled-lyrics/
4Lyrics for Be A Light by Thomas Rhett – Songfacts. https://www.songfacts.com/lyrics/thomas-rhett/be-a-light
One of your best.